Ugh....

Ugh...today I faced the scale and wanted to throw it out the window! The past few days I've been a cow. I grazed all day while at work....crackers, a Hershey's kiss....I feel horrible about it! I have a protein bar in my desk drawer and completely forgot about it until the damage had been done. I was reading on LBT about some people joining WW. I don't want to pay to journal. I have done WW and still have my books so I can find points that way and journal on my own, BUT if I had followed through on that I wouldn't be overweight. Ya know??? I just have to be strong!!! I didn't get a fill at my last appt because I had lost 4 lbs in the 2 weeks since my prior appt, but now I'm wondering if I should call and see if they can squeeze me in. I'd only had 2 fills since my surgery in July. Anybody have any suggestions or feel free to slap me upside the head for complaining!!!! Well, I am going to end this for now. It's Friday and I don't have any plans tonight so maybe I'll get back on and journal some more. It seems to calm me.

WooHoo!!!!!

Tonight I was getting out of my work clothes and decided to try on some clothes in my closet that were too tight or I had bought too small. THEY FIT!!!!! Well, they could be a little looser, but I could definitely see myself wearing them by the time the weather gets colder. I'm so excited!!! Today I wore this top that I haven't worn in forever and when I was walking out of the grocery store this guy actually looked at me, walked by and turned to look again. LOL! Yeah, I'm married, but hell, that made me feel good! I need to get some new pants because my others are loose and soon I'll have that bunchy look you get when they are too loose and you wear a belt...ya know?? My husband is so great. He is so proud of me. When I decided to get banded he said "Please don't lose your a$$." Then yesterday he told me I was losing it, but it looked good. :) As of this morning I have lost 33 pounds. That is the most I have ever lost...not counting the weight from giving birth. Haha! I am tired today. It has rained ALL day and it makes me want to get in bed, under the covers, and just veg out.

This week my shows that I like are all starting. I always enjoy this time of the year. :) well, I guess I am going to go. Hope everyone has a good night.

Dr appt today

Went to the dr this morning and lost 4 pounds in the past two weeks....YEA!!!!! We didn't do another fill because I would like to see how I do til my next appt in a month. I don't get as hungry between meals so I am going to see how I'll be in a month...he did say that if I feel like I am wanting to chew my arm off to call and they will fit me in for a fill. I hope that I do good....:)

My parents will be in town this afternoon....my nephews and my son all have home games the next few days so they will be able to see all of the games. I always give my mom crap about only coming to watch my oldest nephew (who is the oldest grandchild) and never watch my kids...LOL!!!! Guilt trip????

Hope everyone has a good week/weekend.....Later peeps!!!!

Biggest Loser

Tonight the season premiere of the Biggest Loser is on. I love this show. I cry every season and for the longest time I would get pissed off at people who take their time there for granted....wanting to quit. I am yelling at the TV "If you don't want to be there then get the f*ck off and let someone else have a chance!!!!" I thought about sending in a tape probably every season it's been on, but 1) I didn't take the time to make one and 2) I didn't want to get on there and let everyone see how much I weighed or to see me in a sports bra and biker shorts. LOL!!!!! I know people can see that I am big, but for them to see me with very little clothes on....HELL NO!!!!! I am losing weight with my lapband....30 lbs so far. I didn't gain it over night and I won't lose it over night....that is totally fine with me. I see my progress whenever I look in the mirror, put on clothes that used to be tight on me, and when I step on the scale. If you have never been overweight you have no idea what it feels like. Yeah, some people get that way by being lazy and eating horrible. Some people have trouble with their thyroid that makes it hard for them to lose weight. I remember being in high school and dating my husband....he was 6 foot and 129 lbs soaking wet when we started dating. I felt so self conscious of being next to him. My best friend in high school, Dana, was this tiny lil' thing...still is!!!! And my best friend now, Carrie, is the same way. They actually remind me a lot of eachother....tiny, dark hair, Southern accents. I love 'em both, but damn did they make it hard to feel pretty next to them!!!!! Then I moved to California....HELLO....FRICKIN' CALIFORNIA WHERE THERE ARE A LOT OF HOT PEOPLE IN BIKINIS AND SHORT SKIRTS!!!! One of my good friends there, Jill, lost a lot of weight and I felt selfconscious around her too. Why do I surround myself with people like that???? I know I am a loving person. I have a big heart. I "have a pretty face". That is the worst thing you could say to an over weight person. I was active when I was younger and then one summer I had appendicitis and couldn't play softball. I spent that summer inside reading books. That is when I fell in love with books, but I think it is also when I started to gain weight. I also have hypothyroidism. So, yeah I am responsible for how I look...and it's been very hard to get it off. I always said I would NEVER have any type of surgery that was cosmetic. I don't consider this elective surgery....I feel that if I want to live to see my grandkids I need to become healthy. I hope that I reach my goal by July of next year. I can't wait for people that I haven't seen in forever to see me. I feel like a hottie on the inside...and when I'm dancing my a$$ off....now I just wanna look like that!!!! I AM GOING TO GET THERE!!!!!!!

How much can we take?

Little towns...everyone knows everybody or atleast you know of somebody...you can't do anything without the coffee drinkers at the local convience store knowing about it. They have had a lot to talk about lately. Louisburg is not a huge city but it's close enough to Kansas City that we are pretty much going to end up a suburb, but we have the small town feel. Everyone is friends with someone or the friend, relative, of someone. In the past month or a little over a month, we have lost 3 people. One was in his 40's when he died, another was 35, and then this weekend a 19 year old passed away. Parents shouldn't have to bury a child. I look at my kids and tear up at just the thought of losing them. Each kiss, "I love you", tear, hug....don't take them for granted because you never know when it'll be the last one. This is not a good way for a week to start out, but I hope that everyone takes the time to tell the people who are important to them that they are loved.

Ugh....

I hate being sick!!!! I am stuffy and and my throat is scratchy. I was in Nebraska for 3 days for work and had a good time. We saw this comedian, Eric O'Shea, and by the time he was done I was rubbing my cheeks (on my face) because I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. They fed us really well. We stayed at the Hilton Embassy Suites and they have free meals and drinks!!!!! I haven't stepped on the scale since I've been home because I know I won't like the result.

A week ago this past Friday was our high schools first football game of the season. We won by quite a big margin. My nephew was the starting quarterback and got hurt. He has a torn ACL and a torn miniscus. He has a dr's appt Tuesday. We pray it isn't that bad.

Aidan had his first flag football game yesterday and his team won 60-18. We aren't supposed to keep score, but yeah that'll happen. He was so excited. So was Bill, who just happens to be an assistant coach.

I have a dr's appt this Thursday. I don't know if I'll get another fill or not. I need to be more conscious about what i'm eating...actually the amount. I probably ate a little more than I should. Hopefully I'll get over this cold soon. I hate feeling like this.