Yesterday was hard

Yesterday I drove my husband to the airport and said goodbye to him for atleast the next 6 weeks. He is near Chicago attending a school for the blind and visually impaired. After he was retired from the Marine Corps we didn't think we'd ever be apart for more than a few days at a time. So, while he was hugging and kissing our kids goodbye I was walking upstairs crying because although it is hard to tell your spouse goodbye, it's even harder to see them hug/kiss their kids goodbye. When he deployed to Iraq, Aidan fell asleep and Shae wasn't really aware of what was going on. This time they both understand and I'm wishing they were still unaware.

Today will be my first day with the kids to myself. We will have to stick to our busy schedule and not dwell on the fact that daddy isn't there to kiss them good night. I'll lay in my big bed and cuddle with his pillow that he thoughtfully sprayed with his cologne. If I'm feeling really lonely I can wear one of his t-shirts. I can wake up in the middle of the night and text him...."I love you and miss you babe." I know he won't get it until he wakes up the next morning, but he will not go a day without me telling him.

He was nervous to fly by himself. He had his cane and sunglasses on. People are rude. Hello, you see a guy walking with his cane sweeping from side to side....get over. As the flight attendant came to get him to take him on the plane we hugged and kissed goodbye. When I got to my car I text him. When I got home I text him. He called when he landed and said it was a rough landing...which was hard enough for him when he could see what was going on. He got his luggage and was waiting for his driver. He got to the school and is now trying to not be so nervous about his new surroundings.  My Big Bad Marine has a hard time asking for help, but I think him being in a new place will make him realize that he will need help sometimes. I wish I was there to help him, but I know he needs to do this on his own.

So, the next few weeks will have its ups and downs and I am hoping that when I get to fly out to see him that he has learned it is ok to ask for help...it doesn't make you any less of a "man". :)

Barbeque!!!!!

Tonight my family and I are going to K & M BBQ which if you don't live near the Spring Hill, Olathe, Overland Park, KS area.....you don't know what you're missing. I'm not sure if they are located other places, but YUM!!!!! I have been looking at the menu to see what I'm going to order....plan ahead!!!!! I'm thinking I'll order chicken, cottage cheese, and broccoli. I'll probably be full with just the chicken, but you pay the same with or without the sides. My daughter loves cottage cheese and broccoli so I know she'll eat it if I don't.

I have an appt on Tuesday and I am HOPING that I've lost some poundage....:).   I will probably get a fill...I hope so anyway. I just don't feel any restriction. Well, if I eat bread, but I think I should be feeling it with other foods too, right?

I've been reading some posts from Jen, a priorfatgirl, and she is reading a book called the Beck Diet. I am wondering if it would be worth me reading. I've read books on dieting before...can't you tell it's worked????  I just don't wanna buy a book and then it stink. If I'm going to buy a book it has to be a book I know I'll like. Has anyone else read the Beck Diet??

Bloggity blog

I am watching the "People's Choice Awards" and am looking at Queen Latifah....and I know I've thought this before and I just keep saying it in my head....She is a beautiful woman!!!! I seriously wish I looked like her. She doesn't look "fat"....and I've read she's happy with her weight.

So anyway, the weather here is snowy...cold....snowy....windy....snowy....cold. Do you get the picture?? My DH wished for a white Christmas...well, there has been snow on the ground since then. My kids just went back to school from their winter break on Tuesday and they have cancelled school for tomorrow, so they are home again. Atleast with my husband not being able to work I don't have to pay for a sitter! LOL!!! He's getting ready to leave for a couple of months and I am trying to figure out how to get the kids taken care of on days that they do not have school. I'm hoping my mom will be able to come visit. :\

Yesterday my DH made BLTs. Now back in the day...before my surgery I could eat two with no problem. Well, I got that first one done and knew I couldn't eat another one, but didn't want to waste the bacon. I ate like two bites and looked at him and with sad eyes (cuz I wanted that other one) I asked "Would you please eat that sandwich so it won't go to waste?" LOL!!!!! I had to walk away because I wanted it but knew I would just be in the bathroom leaning over the toilet wishing it would just fall out of my stomach with no work from me. Ugh!!!!!

Well, I am going to sign off for the night. I want to get some recipes writeen down before I go to bed. It's what I do when I want to go to the kitchen and eat....I dream about eating the delicious food I write down.  Have a good night and stay warm.

Productive Day....

This morning I woke up to let my dog, Elvis, out then I got on my laptop to start writing while I waited for everyone else to get up.  My husband and I were going to paint our son's bedroom. We are huge Kansas State fans....and our school mascot is the Wildcats also. So, we painted his walls purple, got him a K-State bedspread and we are getting curtains to go in his room also.

Yesterday for New Year's my husband made a ham in his Big George Rotisserie and I made some potatoes with onions and a little bit of velveeta. We decided we would just eat that whenever we got hungry. I am so hammed out though. So, we are going to Red Robin for dinner. (=   Yummy!!!!!!

I am getting ready to hop in the shower and get ready for my yummy dinner that I probably won't be able to eat.  I get so hungry that I hurry....and then it gets stuck. Oh well.

Have a good weekend all!!!!!!!!!!!

Calgon.....take me away......

My daughter is 10 years old....and I want scream. She is having her BFFL staying over and she pitches a fit because I am using my lap top and she wants to use it so they can play a game online.  I told her that I am waiting on an email and it is my lap top so she could wait until I am done. She mouths off and I can just feel my temperature rising. How could her BFFL want to hang around her when she is being a little brat!!!!????? I feel bad for her because her she is sleeping over and my daughter is acting like this. AUGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

My husband found out tonight that he will be leaving for school on January 17th. He'll be gone for 6-8 weeks, which will be interesting because I will need to figure out what to do with my kids from the time they get out of school around 3:45 til I get off at 5:00.  I know my sister will help out when she can and I am hoping my mom will be able to come and help out. That all depends on the weather too. When he was deployed for months at a time it really wasn't an issue because I worked at home. 

I am so ready for the holidays to be over.  I am tired of seeing cookies and all the other yummy goodness around.  I have never had strong will power and it is so hard.  Between all of that, letting my daughter stress me out, and knowing my husband will be leaving in less than a month I am not feeling the best. I want to sleep and not have to do anything but just sleep and write and read. I would like a dark room, a lamp, my laptop, my books, and a bed.  Sounds depressing huh???? 

I'm trying to stay out of the kitchen........wish me luck!!!!!

RIP Brittany Murphy

A little bit ago I heard that Brittany Murphy passed away!!!! I can't believe that!!!! Cardiac arrest???? She was so young!!!!  I loved her in "Clueless"...and she held her own in "Girl, Interrupted" with Angelina Jolie and Wynona Ryder. My prayers are with her family.

Today was a rough day.....I keep seeing cookies everywhere!!!!! Ugh!!!! This is killing me!!!!  I think I've done a lot better than previous years. I can't NOT eat them....I just can't eat the amount that I used to. ya know??? 

I really miss my best friend, Carrie. She is going through a rough patch, but I know that she'll make it through. She's a strong woman.

I don't have a whole lot else to say. Just wanted to write. Good night all.....

My Chocolate Hell......

This is a cruel time of year for me!!!!! Here I am wanting....needing.....to lose weight and people keep bringing all of this YUMMY TO MY TUMMY  delicioso treats!!!!!  I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!!! So, what does a customer do.....BRINGS YUMMY BROWNIES TO MY WORK!!!! They are just chewy chocolate.....they taste like they have butterscotch or something in them too!!!!!  Exhibit A is below...and no, I didn't eat all of that. I had 2 small pieces...which together would still equal a smaller piece than I used to eat, so I am proud about that!

HELLLLLLOOOOOO????? Is there a reason my own personal hell has invaded my workspace???? LOL!!!! Then, right at this moment, my husband is making snickerdoodles (YUM!!!!) and these snowball cookies that have a HERSHEY'S KISS baked right in the middle of them!!!!!!  Just saying that reminds me of this dessert that I order at Outback or some other restaurant bad for me.....it that cake that has melted chocolate coming out of it. You know the one I mean....the one where when you go to take a bite and you put your fork in the cake all of this warm melted chocolate runs onto your plate...mmmmmmmmmm.

Ok, enough driving myself insane. I am just making it worse for myself.  I have this wierd habit. When I start craving food, I get out my recipes I've printed off and start writing them in recipe books. This is going to take forever because I have printed off a ton of healthier recipes.  I am addicted to recipes even though I haven't made but 4 or 5 of them. So far my family has liked everything I've made. Well, my son hasn't but he is a picky eater. He refuses to eat fruits and vegetables. He once told me he'd eat a banana, but ONLY ON WEDNESDAYS!!!! LOL!!!!!  So, I've started getting him that V8 fusion. He won't always drink it though. He frustrates me because he won't eat anything unless 1) he knows there isn't a vegetable in/on it, 2) he can dip it in Ranch, ketchup, or mustard.  We'll sit down to dinner and about 10 minutes into it he will say he's full, his head/throat hurts, or he does'nt like whatever is left on his plate. He was my 10 pound baby and now he's probably not even 55 lbs. He'll be 7 in less than a month.  He gets colds easily and I'm wondering if his eating habits have anything to do with that. If he doesn't eat healthy, does that mess up his immune system?

Well, today started out crappy, but it felt good to sit here and write. Writing calms me.  Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!!!



"The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The more efficient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use your talent to produce outstanding results." Anthony Robbins